SwearFui had no hand in watching it all fall apart
Aug 2, 2008 19:14 EDT
I see things before they happen sometimes, see the future unfolding in my head, and all I want to do is change the course of the people I care about so they avoid the sadness and the pain in their path. They don't see what I see though, don't believe I can see it, so if I try they resent me for it. For what they see as an intrusion of their will, for the slight they perceive in what is only an act of love on my part.
For once I stood aside, I held my tongue. I watched everything in my head happen, saw events culminate and create pain in someone I love and now I feel failure. Failure that I can never change anything, that if I fight I lose who I care about, and if I don't, I have to live with the thought that I didn't try hard enough. That I didn't do what I knew was the right thing because just once I didn't want to lose what made me happy. I hate myself a little more for it.
I know to see things this way is wrong, that I have to put myself first, that people have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes, but then what point is there in my existence? What point is there in what I see, in the thoughts I'm constantly haunted by if I can never do anything for the people I care about?
I wish it would all just go away.
The Smashing Pumpkins - Blissed & Gone
heartbroken