I am having such a hard time working. And I’m not even working. All I have to do is do research. Fucking research. I used to LOVE research. I don’t have to call anybody or anything. Just fucking look shit up. And instead I’m on tumblr. Or trying to figure out what song is playing on this mix. Basically, whatever isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing. I used to say I never went to school because I couldn’t handle exactly this. Forcing myself to stick to something and finish it. Now I realise I should have forced myself to get used to the idea. It’s one thing to be perfect under pressure. The ultimate debugger/fixer. But if I can’t stop, breathe, and think… I’m so fucked. But that’s exactly the kind of attitude I have to avoid. No more bad vibes. No more thinking I can’t and just accepting it. I can do this. It won’t be easy, oh fuck no, it’s going to be miserable. But the payoff, oh my god.
Back to work.
