Shark sleeping bag
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Also, back to one coffee in the morning and only water the rest of the time. No coke, no iced tea, etc. I feel fuckin terrible and my head kills, but I’ll feel better in the long run if I stay with it.
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where did you learn, you were born to lose
Cutting myself off from tumblr at work was such a good idea. Not only am I getting more done, I’m training myself to keep getting back into my work no matter what distracts me. I’m starting to feel like I’m accomplishing things again.
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Upside to drinking water all day: feel healthier.
Downside to drinking water all day: go to the bathroom 16 times an hour. -
fuck fuck fuck. I put it in my calendar, my phone notified me, and yet I still forgot to wish her a happy birthday. I am the worst fucking friend. Now I’m even more nervous to write her back. Why do I constantly avoid the people I care the most about?
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Want.
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This amused/annoyed me so much I had to connect to my home computer just to share it. Please note, my skype avatar is Deadmau5
me: Hi [client]
client: Hey [me]
client: You got the right avatarme: you like EDM?
client: Yeah their good
Wow. Just…. wow.
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When I start to crash I have a tendency to fall off the edge of a ledge. I spent 11 hours yesterday on my couch. Moving only to have thing go in one way or out the other. I kept telling myself I should go out, at the very least take a walk. I could see it was such a nice day but I just didn’t want to go out there. Didn’t want to feel anything, didn’t want to care about anything, total system shut down. Half of it was the drugs, but the other half was realising how attached I’m getting to D. It scared the hell out of me. But I gave myself one day and that was it. I went to sleep early and woke up early and went to the gym. On a Thursday which is irregular but purposeful because I want to switch up my routine so I can spend more time with her and not feel guilty/depressed/unmotivated cause I don’t go to the gym. And again, it’s wanting to be with her, but more importantly it’s recognising it and choosing to change instead of just being an asshole. I’m proud of that and I’m not really afraid to say this is all about me, has to be all about me. I like making her happy because that makes me happy. She likes making me happy because it makes her happy. If for some reason that isn’t happening anymore I’ll deal with it when it comes. It won’t have to mean the end, it just means we talk, discuss, figure things out, as we’ve done and I hope to continue to do. Because nothing and no one is perfect. We get through by communicating and being honest. There’s no sense in beating yourself up over anything you feel, cause your feelings aren’t going anywhere, and they won’t change like your conscious thought can. They only move on when they’ve been felt.
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viva!
